This is fan fiction. Every character, bar, match and event in it is made up. No real wrestler, promotion, network, team or person is involved, and nothing here happened.

Behind a pink-roof house off a two-lane road near Apopka, the neighbors built something they call Orange-Cone Diamond. The bases are traffic cones. The foul poles are two striped beach chairs. The mound is a pizza box turned upside down so the grease side faces the dirt.

Tonight's headliner was "Crate Mask," a backyard wrestler whose headgear is an empty produce crate painted yellow with holes cut for eyes. His opponent was not a person. His opponent was a beach ball the size of a washing machine with the word fastball written on it in Sharpie. The house rule, taped to the fence, said: IF THE BALL ROLLS PAST THE CONES, IT IS A HOMER. IF THE DOG GETS IT FIRST, IT IS A FOUL.

The referee was Luis again, striped shirt, sunglasses, holding a blue pool noodle instead of a bat because the real bat was "on loan to the tire shop." He pointed the noodle at Crate Mask. "Clean swing," Luis said. "No propane. No biting the cones. And Nacho stays off the mound."

Nacho is the yellow Labrador who believes every foam finger in Central Florida is a chew toy with his name on it.

Luis swung the noodle. WHAM. The beach ball wobbled forward like a weather balloon that had given up. Crate Mask swung. He missed. The crate spun halfway around his head so he was looking at the fence. The beach ball rolled gently into a cone, knocked it over, and sat there like it had paid rent.

"Homer," yelled somebody from the beach chairs.

"Foul," yelled Luis, because Nacho had already stolen the Sharpie-lettered side of the ball and was galloping toward the dumpster.

They called it a tie. Crate Mask took the crate off and sat on the pizza-box mound. Luis wiped grass off the noodle. Somebody inside turned a TV on to a game neither team in this story plays for. The neon OPEN sign on the front of the house blinked once and forgot the rest of the word.

Again: this story is fiction. Nobody named here is real, no real show, network, promotion or athlete is involved, and no real result is implied.