This is fan fiction. Every character, place, promotion and event in it is made up. No real wrestler, company, league or show is involved, and nothing here happened.
Every first Monday in November, the Lake Gussie Swap & Shop clears out the back half of its parking lot, rents a flatbed trailer from a guy named Porkchop, and holds the only wrestling show in the county with a funnel cake sponsor.
The ring is four tow straps and some pool noodles. The championship belt is a hubcap glued to a karate belt. It has been defended eleven times and pawned twice.
This year's main event was booked months ago. In one corner: El Relámpago de Orlando, a masked high-flyer in gold and blue stars who sells hot sauce from booth 14 the rest of the week. Nobody knows who he is. Everybody knows it's Ramón from the hot sauce booth.
In the other corner: The Retiree, a sixty-eight-year-old former pool contractor who wrestles in khaki shorts and claims he "invented the clothesline" in 1979. He did not invent the clothesline.
The referee was Gary, who also runs the snow cone stand and refused to close it during the match. Gary officiated the entire main event holding a cherry-blue raspberry snow cone, which he called "a supervisory tool."
Ringside, in the good lawn chair, sat Miss Dot. Miss Dot is ninety-one. Miss Dot has attended every Swap & Shop show since the first one, and she brought a hand-painted sign. Nobody has ever been able to read the sign. Miss Dot says that's the point.
The trouble started with the alligator.
The Swap & Shop owner had bought a twenty-foot inflatable alligator off a closeout table "for atmosphere." Somebody plugged in the blower right as the bell rang. The alligator rose slowly behind the trailer like a sunrise made of vinyl, and the crowd lost its mind.
The Retiree took one look and announced the gator was "his manager." Gary checked the rulebook, which is a laminated menu. There is nothing on the menu about managers.
Three minutes in, The Retiree had El Relámpago in a headlock and was explaining the history of the headlock at the same time. Miss Dot booed so hard her chair tipped six inches.
That's when El Relámpago climbed the corner post, which is a stepladder zip-tied to the trailer, pointed at the sky, and leaped.
He did not land on The Retiree. He landed on the alligator.
The gator folded in half and fired a puddle of sprinkler water straight into the crowd. Gary dove out of the way and saved the snow cone. The Retiree, who was not touched by anyone, lay down on the trailer and declared himself "injured by wildlife."
Gary counted to three anyway, mostly so he could get back to the stand.
El Relámpago was crowned champion standing on a deflating alligator, holding a hubcap over his head while Miss Dot waved her sign like a battle flag. The Retiree demanded a rematch, "no gators." The owner is already pricing a shark.
Again: this story is fiction. Nobody named here is real, no real promotion or event is involved, and no real result is implied.